Curvy, Dominant, Average, Adventurous

Geplaatst op 01-08-2025

Are You Describing Yourself Out of a Date?

Now I wish we could do some sort of “What’s My Dating Profile Body Type” thread. I put “athletic” because that is what I am, but I am not even slightly overweight nor am I “big boned” at all.

Do most men think that “athletic” means slightly overweight? – Vox

I don’t think the problem is the description but the fact that everybody has their own definition and idea of what each word means. I can’t tell you how many men used to come up in my online dating searches as Average who were easily a good 20+ pounds overweight. Now, to me, that’s not average. But given Americans propensity to, uh, indulge…maybe it is?

What gets me is when people use descriptors that aren’t just questionable or subjective…but flat out the opposite end of the spectrum. We’ve discussed the bastardization of “curvy” before. As much as many men love women with curves (think Christina Hendricks), I noticed a huge change in the responses I got when I changed my body type from curvy to average. I didn’t get less responses. I got more. (This was about 2-3 years ago.) Certain words actually work against people, I think.

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This is not exclusive to the body type category, either. Words like “strong” and “sarcastic” and “smart ass” and “opinionated” and “outspoken” are also buzz words that people look for when trying to avoid anybody “difficult.” When my friend M. looked over my profile last year, those were some of the things he told me to avoid. Another word that I think works against people is “independent.” If I hear a man describe himself as independent, I always wonder what he’s really saying. Like maybe he’s trying to tell women he doesn’t like answering to anyone or does what he wants, when he wants. If a woman says she’s “opinionated” or “strong willed” or “knows what she wants” often times she’s going to be earmarked as high maintenance. It’s really amazing how all of the ways we describe ourselves can actually get in our way.

“Open minded” and “adventurous” are also dangerous. Unless you have pictures of yourself sky diving or spelunking, you’re going to be pegged as someone who likes a little slap and tickle, if you know what I mean. (You do know what I mean, right?) “Naughty” or “cheeky” automatically get you labeled as just looking for sex. Oh, yeah. The word “dominant?” Don’t use that in your profile unless you want to be emailed by every guy with pictures of hand cuffs or shirtless torsos on their profile.

But the real problem, I think, is how many people who view these profiles carry with them the ghosts of relationships past or can’t get bast their own vanilla biases and fears. I heard a woman today say that a guy on Match who emailed her seemed really great…until she read in his profile that he liked being tickled. Suddenly, this guy who looked pretty good on paper was now some creep. It’s possible she had a bad experience at some point. I don’t know. But that’s how easy it is to go from seeming totally normal to being considered freaky.

I do believe we bring a lot of our own “stuff” with us when we’re trying to date online. I think few people are able to read a profile objectively.